How ? Stole Christmas
by LukesDragon
Summary: When Christmas goes missing after a drunken party it's up to Matt and Davis to find it in this Cross genre...thing. And to make matters worse Matt can't say 'Whatever', still he has eggnog. (Yamasuke)
1. How it all Started

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"How ??? Stole Christmas" By Luke's Dragon

A/n

No idea where this idea came from, it seemed a good idea at the time to pen a 'humorous' Christmas fic and the idea kept growing and growing. I was torn between a few protagonists and the fic was nearly how Blackwargreymon stole Christmas but hey that would be too simple. Other ideas were Viktor (Suikoden) and Zell (Final Fantasy 8) but I decided to make this into some bizarre mutant crossover thing. 

Oh dear… I think I've created a monster…

As if it matters but Matt and Tai are both 18 TK and Davis are 15 work anyone else out from there if you really must. I've just made them a bit older 'cause we've got 'adult themes' Major Yaoi (Yamasuke) hints but they don't really do anything. Thoughts are in Italics and tend to be Matt.

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Disclaimer

Okay it's a major one today *deep breath* I don't own Digimon (saban toei etc do) the Final Fantasy series (Squaresoft) Pokemon (Nintendo Gamefreak etc), Bagpuss (No idea who does) or Suikoden (Konami) Nor do I own any of the Christmas songs featured (although I wouldn't want to) or the actual festival of Christmas which I'm fairly sure belongs to either God or everyone… Theological question then, do I therefore technically own Christmas? 

~~~

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Chapter 1Or How It All Started

__

On their own beer and women can be lots of fun, but if you start mixing them you can turn into a dumbass

~ That 70's Show

~~~

It started as so many bad ideas do with the introduction of far too much alcohol. Maybe it started earlier than that maybe it started when they went to the Digital World to give their Digimon gifts like they did every year. 

__

I've never understood why we do this every year, after all they haven't understood the idea in the however many years it's been since we started doing this. Still pointless traditions are what it's all about.

Pointless traditions as Matt put it involved coming here every December 21st to give the Digimon presents and have some sort of meal which for lack of a better term was a picnic. Technically there were twelve of them and the same number of Digimon, therefore a bright idea would be to have enough food for at least twenty four people, and knowing as they did the Digimon's appetites extra would be good. 

However tradition dictated that Tai always packed the picnic. Matt briefly wondered if perhaps it was tradition that he forgot every single year without fail to do this and then had to rely on Kari raiding the fridge at the last minute. This year however most people had been prepared and brought their own food, Tai had been a little hurt by this.

"Guys! I always bring the food don't you trust me?"

"Of course we do Tai… It's just we wanted to be prepared"

"Yes, what if some friendly Digimon showed up to join us?"

__

Sora and Joe two of the only people I know who can calm Tai down when he gets into one of his 'hurt and offended' modes. Me? I'd have told him the truth, I don't trust you with organization as much as I wouldn't trust Cody to do my hair… Eeew scary thought.

"What if some bad Digimon show up, attracted by the food then Joe?"

__

Unkind but he does tend to worry far too much

"Then we'd beat them up! Pow! Zap! And…umm… Pow!"

"You already used Pow! Dummy"

"Shut up TJ"  
  
"TK"  
  
"Whatever"

__

My little brother TK and my… umm I mean Davis. Usually hyperactive the sugar in whatever he's been eating has now well and truly kicked in, still the extra energy should come in handy if we ever need to bounce halfway around the world.

After the picnic was eaten the group started handing out gifts to their Digimon partners, Matt although renowned (and frequently mocked) for his sense of style was notoriously bad at choosing gifts. Last year he had bought his mother a trash can, his father a pen and TK some fluffy dice. Gabumon had gotten a hat. Unbeknown to Matt his brother and partner had traded gifts since Gabumon's horn didn't fit in the hat and TK couldn't drive, Gabumon still wore the dice as a neck ornament on special occasions, provided Matt wouldn't be there to notice.

This year however he had enlisted the help of Kari and Mimi to buy presents, this had resulted in much better gifts but much less money for Matt. This year his mother had got a painting of some sort of lake, his father had a coffee maker, TK had a pink cup shaped like a rabbit (Kari wasn't allowed to help with that in case she told him) Gabumon had candy and Da… Someone else who certainly wasn't Davis had a sliver pendant.

"Matt?"  
  
"Yes Gabumon?"  
  
"Thank you for the candy…but?"  
  
"You're on a diet?"

"No…it's just that every year we do this and well… umm…"

"Go on"  
  
"We don't really know why"

"You don't know why we do this every Christmas?"

"We Digimon don't know what Christmas is"

After assembling all the Digimon and Digi-Destined together Tai formulated a wonderful plan to help the Digimon understand the idea of Christmas.

"Oh I know I know!"  
  
"I'm going to regret this but go on Davis"

"Presents and booze and food"  
  
"Right!"

__

Tai despite doing a fairly good job of summing up at least what we do at Christmas received a death-stare from Sora and TK. Apparently me and Tai have missed something major, still I bite my tongue so as to avoid their wrath.

"It's about much more than that Tai. It's a celebration of the birth of Jesus"

"Question?"

"Yes Tentomon?"  
  
"Who is Jesus?"  
  
"Ah well I'll tell you all a story then"  
  
"Oh before you do I've got a question too"  
  
"Go on Patamon"  
  
"What's a birth?"

~~~

Much later after Sora had explained the story of the nativity and Matt and Tai had demonstrated the basic ideas of 'where babies come from' the Digi-destined said goodbye to their friends and when back to the real world. Tomorrow night they were having their own party, tradition said it should be a few days before so that they had time to recover, sober up or find bail money before Christmas day. Since two years ago most of them could vouch spending Christmas in hospital after falling out of a second floor window (Tai). Spending the day regretting trying to set a world record for Tequila slammers drunk in five minutes (Izzy) Or in extreme cases jail after what Ken swore was a misunderstanding with a bus full of pensioners and half the city police department (Ken, Cody, Yolie and Mimi). Anyway these were all very bad ways to spend the day so now they had the party early. P_ossibly November would give us enough time to recover._

The party was to be at Mimi's apartment in America this year; they had all managed to get free flights through one of Yoile's numerous relatives and would be spending Christmas in New York. Matt had been less than impressed with his first experience of flying after the plane had been delayed for four and half-hours. Four and a half hours of torturous eye-spy if anyone ever told him they could spy, with their little eye something beginning with N, which turned out to be 'No Airplane' he would kill someone, possibly everyone. Still he had managed to join a fairly exclusive club during the trip a fact unknown to everyone except… Ah well no sense dwelling on it. 

Since Mimi's apartment was not big enough for all of them, they had booked into a hotel, annoyingly Matt was paired up with Joe and Izzy. still it would be quiet apart from the occasional tap-tap-tap on the keyboard, which was starting to drive itself into his brain, followed by the occasional rustle of pages being turned. At least it wasn't as bad as it could be, TK was room sharing with Tai and Davis. 

__

New beds Dai-Chan hasn't bounced on before and free mints on the pillow, he'll be in heaven, and Tai can tell someone else about how wonderful Sora is. Ah! Someone who isn't me hearing about it ha! Take that TK.

As he settled down to sleep Matt noticed it was snowing outside, he smiled maybe they could have a white Christmas, hmm sounded like an idea for a song.

~~~

After spending the day walking around New York and wishing that they had more money the Digi-destined arrived at Mimi's apartment. Although arrived was the wrong word, descended was better or even swarmed or whatever the word that describes a meteor heading for earth that would have been a good word, only Matt couldn't think of it.

Before too long the party was in full swing, Matt was trying not to get too drunk since it was far more fun watching all his friends make idiots out of themselves. Tai trying to impress Sora who was trying to impress him. Joe turning a bright shade of red every time Mimi walked past him, TK and Kari trying to find a quiet corner to make out in and Izzy as always in the presence of alcohol turning into the life of the party. If of course you considered knock-knock jokes and wearing a lampshade on your head funny as, tragically, most of his friends did. Ken seemed to be staying relatively sober as well and was making a small fortune fleecing people at card tricks. 

Before too long Mimi turned on her CD player, usually cheerful pop music would have come blasting out but today it was replaced with something far more terrifying. Christmas songs. Screaming in horror Matt ran outside to take shelter on the balcony where he found Davis. 

"Hey"  
  
"Matt! Hi!"

"Umm… hi"

"It's snowing!"

"…yes"

"Isn't it cool?!"

"Dai… the exclamation marks, stop it"

"!!!"  
  
"Not funny"

"Sorry… It's a shame really"  
  
"What is?"  
  
"That we can't tell them…"

"Dai-Chan…"  
  
"I know, just saying that's all"  
  
"Even if we saved the world they wouldn't understand"  
  
"Dude…"

"Dai-Chan, the comment about exclamations can definitely be extended to 'dude'"

"Well in that case you can't go '…' or 'whatever' until Christmas okay

"Fine"

"And…umm… forfeits if you fail"  
  
"Fine"

"Is 'fine' just a version of 'whatever'?"  
  
"…No"

"Guess we should go back inside"  
  
The party raged on all night very much like a war. Soon all the good food and drinks were gone and all that was left was very cheap and nasty beer with the taste and smell of roadwork's. Matt had managed to hide his two favorite things about Christmas, egg-nog (with a cherry in it) and mince pies in his bag for later. Eventually at about half past five there was nothing left to eat drink or do so everyone fell asleep. Matt managed to get almost two hours sleep before it was time for Davis to wake up. And when Davis wakes up all of his friend's wake up too… Mainly because he is a noisy little *&%$

"MATT! It's awful wake up!"  
  
"Davis…it's too early"  
  
"But… someone stole Christmas!"  
  
"Hmm… that's nice"

"And the tree is gone and the decorations and the snow, and the mince pies"

"The mince pies… my mince pies?"  
  
"…gone"

Matt leapt up with a start, it was true the entire room was empty of any signs of Christmas, Matt opened up the curtains to see… bright sunlight flooding across the city. Davis was right, someone had stolen Christmas.

~~~

Waking up all the other Digi-destined they searched the apartment high and low for any sign of the missing festival, they found nothing until Matt and Davis walked into the kitchen, three glowing energy portals stood in the middle of the room, one red, one green and one gold. As ever when faced with anything new they called for their resident know-it-all.

  
"What are they Izzy?"

"Hmm… let me get a reading"

"Come on hurry it up"

"Okay, they are inter-dimensional gateways"

"…?"

"Portals to other worlds Davis"

"Where they here last night?"

"Doubtful, even as inebriated as we were I think we would have noticed them"

"So the Christmas thief…"  
  
"Could have used them, prodigious!"

"Prodigious?"

"Sorry force of habit"

__

The inter-dimensional Christmas thief? Prodigious? It's far too early for this, even mince pies aren't worth all this hassle at this time. I'm going back to bed.

"Matt! Lets go!"  
  
"Go where Dai, the only place I'm going is bed"

"No! Through the portal, we'll find the diabolically fiendish villain and stop him"

  
"Must we?"  
  
"Yep"

With that Davis jumped into the green portal and vanished in a flash of light, looking over at Izzy Matt shrugged his shoulders and followed his enthusiastic friend. As he jumped into the light Matt was sure he heard the faint sound of sleigh-bells ringing in his ears.


	2. How Matt fell for Tifa

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"How ??? Stole Christmas" By Luke's Dragon

A/n

Matt and Dai 'do' Final Fantasy. For purposes of ease on my part this fic takes place before the actual game of FF7 starts so Tifa is still running her bar and Cloud is out of the picture.

~~~

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Chapter 2How Matt fell for Tifa

__

Not all romances are meant to last. Sometimes the shortest ones are the best ones.

Louise Sybing

~~~

Matt and Davis landed with a thump from the portal they had jumped through which had deposited them at the top of a slide. They had been transported to a children's play park somewhere. There were swings, a slide which they were now sat at the bottom of. Technically Davis was sat at the bottom and Matt was sat on Davis but the details weren't that important. There was also a climbing structure shaped like a giant cat.

"Cool! I'm going to go on the cat Matt"  
  
"Yeah whate… I mean good for you"

"Heh heh cat and Matt…"

Looking around Matt could tell this place was a dump, there was a ruined road to the south and a dirt track north, there was also a major looking iron gate blocking the way west with a large number 7 drawn on it in faded white paint. There was no sign of Christmas here, it was doubtful that they had even heard of it and if they did it was the sort of place where rat made up Christmas lunch.

Checking his bag to see what he had for his quest Matt found half a bottle of eggnog, the only surviving part of Christmas, and the thief had drunk at least quarter of the bottle too. He also had his digivice, harmonica, notebook and pen and about $4.00 and 200 yen. Wow what amazing supplies, looking around the park he also found a strange yellow glowing stone that was quite cool so he kept it.

"Come on Dai, time to find Christmas"

"Okay!"

"Forfeit"

"Aww…What is it?"

"I'll save it for later…"  
  
Heading up to the iron gate they were challenged by a guard wearing a blue uniform and a hat even TK would think twice about wearing.

"Hold. State your business"

"I'll handle this Matt"  
  
"No…"  
  
"We want to go through the gate"

"Why?"  
  
"We're looking for something"  
  
"What?"  
  
"A major religious celebration"

"Fine just don't cause any trouble okay?"  
  
"Thank you"  
  
Matt was quite amazed, Davis had actually done something right, true it had been convince a military officer that they were completely mad but it was the thought that counted. Still they had gotten through the gate and headed along the road. Bits of metal stuck out of the tarmac and burnt out shells of vehicles littered the roadside. If Christmas was hear it was certainly well hidden. A few more paces along the road and they were attacked, by a house.

~~~

As Davis remarked later it wasn't as if they were doing anything wrong, one minute they were walking along minding their own business the next their vision turned hazy and they were under attack from a living, breathing bungalow. Today was not a good day to be Matt Ishida. The building launched a volley of tiles from the roof that they were lucky to dodge out of the way of. Taking cover behind some nearby rubble the yellow stone in Matt's pocket started glowing and spoke in a calm soothing voice that made Matt think of kindergarten teachers. ---Hell House L8 Hp 450/450 ---

"What the hell is that supposed to mean? Stupid stone"

"Matt, I'm scared, it's throwing furniture now"

"Damn, lets move it"  
  
The two ran just as a sofa and a washing machine were hurled at the place they had been hiding, despite having no eyes the house looked as if it was searching for them. Suddenly Matt and Davis burst forwards and attacked the house monster. With a rusted car door Matt smashed the ground floor windows whist Davis used a lead pipe to attack the front door, knocking it off its hinges. The house shook then was racked by explosions, it then seemed to grow arms and legs and roared at them.

---Hell House L8 Hp 237/450 ---

"Hey Matt, we're winning!"

"We're not winning! It's firing rockets from the chimneys!"

Looking around for a plan Matt noticed some oil barrels stacked up against what was left of a wall, running in front of them he tried to attract it's attention.

"Hey! House! You're mother was semi!"

"Matt, that sucks, let me try"  
  
"Well if anyone can annoy a house its you Dai-Chan"

"Thanks. Hey loser! You should be called a 'smell house' I wouldn't take out a mortgage on you"

The house turned with some difficulty and lumbered towards them, gnashing it's upstairs window shutters in rage as it charged at them. At the last minute Matt and Davis ducked out of the way. They house could not stop and slammed into the oil barrels which promptly exploded destroying the house.

"Yay we won Matt! We won!"

__

I'm happy to be alive so I'll let him off those exclamations but really don't want to be stuck here where houses attack innocent travelers. It wasn't even as if Davis was singing that loudly. Oh what is he doing now?  
  
"Look Matt I found 230 gil and a potion"

"Oh… wow I guess"

"Yep and you found the cool talking rock"

"…Yes"

"Do me"

"Davis, we are in the middle of a ruined highway with killer buildings and you want me to 'do you'?"

"With the rock stupid"

After puzzling this for a moment Matt pointed the rock at Davis and again the knowledgeable if slightly patronizing voice spoke. ---Davis L2 Hp120/120 Weak against Ice. Weak against sugar ---

"Hey I'm L2! L2! L2! L2!"

Davis started to do a happy dance around the street and didn't stop until Matt his him very hard, reducing his Hp by 12.

~~~

They managed to reach a small town without being attacked again, although Davis had been pestering Matt to use the rock on himself, so far he had refused as he was slightly scared that revealing his weakness' to Davis would be amongst the dumbest thing he could possibly do.

The town was a wreck, calling it a desolate wasteland would be doing a grave disservice to desolate wastelands everywhere. The buildings looked as though they were made from other buildings which had either fallen down or been stolen for food by the residents. A sign proclaimed 'Elco o ect 7' it made little sense, as signs which have mainly been converted to firewood tends not to.

"Man what a dump"

"Matt, where are we going to find Christmas here?"

"Umm… in… that bar!"

"Woo hoo! A bar"

__

6 forfeits for Davis… I am going to have fun with this later on. But why would there be a bar here? The people here don't look as though they can afford food let alone to go to the bar all night.

The Bar itself was surprisingly nice, there were several (empty) tables a jukebox by one wall and a piano by the other. The barmaid looked about six and was sat on the floor reading.

"Umm… Hello?"

"Hiya! I'm Marlene!"

"Hi! I'm Davis! And this is Mr. Grumpy!"

"Hi! Mr. Grumpy!"

__

Dear gods no! I've walked into DavisWorld where every statement ahs to be shouted enthusiastically. I should have just stayed in bed. I can wait for another holiday, it's new years in just over a week. Christmas can stay stolen for all I care. I'm outta here.

Matt was just about to leave the bar when another voice called him.

  
"Mr. Grumpy huh, that's a funny name"

After being woken up five hours too early, sent spinning through space and time and almost being eaten by a house Matt was in no mood for being made fun of by a bar maid. He spun round to deliver the verbal beating of the girl's life

"My name is not Mr. bloody Grumpy! I'm… I'm…"

His voice trailed off, the new girl was probably a little older than him and dressed to kill. She had long black hair all the way down her back, a very short skirt, or 'belt' as they are technically termed. She was also wearing a tight white top, which displayed her… assets to full advantage.

"You're who?" _She doesn't speak, she purrs. Sorry Dai-Chan you're dumped I'm in love. I'm going to forget about Christmas and Odibia and stay here with her_.

"Wssffgl"_ What sort of response is Wssffgl? The girl of my dreams and I can't even pronounce a vowel? Come on what ever happened to super cool Matt who doesn't give a damn?_

"So then Mr. Grumpy Wssffgl and friend what can I do for you?"

"We're looking for Christmas"

"Christmas?"

"Yep it's about 24hours long usually found December 25th and its missing"

"Okay…"

--- Tifa L6 Hp 350/350 Weak against handsome strangers ---

"Hey! It's very rude to use sense materia on people"

"…umm… sorry… umm… Tifa"

"That's okay, but now it's my turn"

Nimbly snatching the yellow stone from Matt she pointed it at him. The feeling was very strange, as though the girl was peering right into his heart; no wonder she had been a little put out by this feeling.

--- Matt L10 Hp 876/880 Weak against mince pies Weak against people who get too close ---

"So your name is Matt and you're hurt"

"It's…ah…it's nothing"  
  
"Oh don't be like that, sit down and I'll fix you a drink"

"Hey what about me?"  
  
"Davis, I've thought up a forfeit"  
  
"Oh…"

"Sit outside for an hour"  
  
"That's a lame forfeit"

"I could say naked…"  
  
"I'm going"

__

Ah ha! Ishida you are too damn smart for your own good sometimes. Now that I've gotten rid of my boyf… Best friend I can talk with Tifa easier

"Here, my world famous 'Final Heaven' cocktail"

"Mmm thanks"

"So you're looking for Chris-tam-as?"  
  
"Yeah"

Matt proceeded to tell the whole sorry tale of how on minute they had been cheerful and celebrating and the next there was no sign of it anywhere and how the portals had appeared in Mimi's kitchen and they had gone through since there were no other leads. Just then a very large 'gentleman' dressed in combat gear with what looked like a machine gun where his left arm should be stormed into the bar carrying Davis under his other arm. Both looked as though they had been involved in a food fight. _Knowing Davis that's quite possible. Just when I was getting somewhere with Tifa. _

"Yo Tif! I've had a bad day, fix me a beer"

"Matt! I found it!"

"You found it?"

"Yeah, all the food was in this guys shed"

"All what food?"

"The Christmas food, mince pies, sprouts, turkey the whole lot"

"Yeah in our ammo dump. Anyway who are you guys?"

"I'm Matt, you've already met Davis"

"So how did your food get into our storeroom?"

"I have no idea"

"Well here's your drink Barrett. What now for you Matt?"  
  
"Umm I'd like another drink too"  
  
"Matt! We have to take the food back, it's a clue!"

"It's not a clue it's a damn pile of food all over our gear"

In the end they had to make several trips back to the park to carry all the food, this was made harder by the fact that both Tifa and Barrett had a phobia of travelling in a group of more than three people, meaning Davis stayed behind to look after. Or more accurately be looked after by Marlene. Soon it was time for them to return home through the green portal. They had found the food but there were still parts of Christmas missing and Davis and Matt had work left to do.

"So you're going back to your friends Matt?"

"I have to, I'm needed"

"Yeah… I guess"

"…Sorry"

"No… I understand"

"Maybe we'll meet again…"

"I hope so, goodbye Matt"

__

As I stepped back through the gate I felt a sense of sadness overwhelm me, for the first time I could remember I was in love. Not just the sort of relationship I'd always been in, more based around sex or friendship than that mysterious X-factor. You know when you just meet someone and know it's right. Maybe we'll meet again Tifa, but I doubt it somehow.

With a bump Matt and Davis appeared in Mimi's kitchen again. 

  



	3. How Matt laid the Smackdown on Pikachu

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"How ??? Stole Christmas" By Luke's Dragon

****

A/n

Digimon/Poke'mon crossovers. Yes it's been done before but whateve… I mean never mind

~~~

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Chapter 3How Matt Laid the Smackdown on Pikachu's candy a$$

Oh Hell Yeah!

~ Stone Cold Steve Austin

Oh Hell… Do we have to?  
~ Ice Cool Matt Ishida

~~~

Izzy outlined the situation to the Digi-destined, apart from Joe who was still in bed, Ken who had wound up in trouble for trying his card trick once to often and was now locked in the bathroom and Matt who was love sick. Matt was celebrating with the recovered Christmas food, specifically eggnog with a cherry in it. He had tried to copy the cocktail Tifa had made for him but it had failed horribly and that had made him even more depressed. 

No one had any idea of what to say to him, so as any good group of friends would do they ignored him. After watching the news they had found that Christmas had been stolen all over the world, one minute it was there the next it was gone. Although the TV guy didn't know that by now the food had re-appeared as if by magic, now it was all over Mimi's apartment, apart from the mince pies and eggnog.

It was agreed that Matt and Davis should continue the quest through the portals, since no one else wanted to do it, especially after hearing the story about the house, sixteen times from Davis. Izzy set them up with a laptop so they could stay in contact and if needed Izzy could download their Digimon to help them.

"That's good because last time we were attacked, you'll never guess what by?"

"A giant bug with cat food for eyes?"  
  
"No Tai. It was a house"

"Really, I'd have never guessed"

"C'mon Matt lets go!"

"No"

"But… Christmas needs us!"  
  
"…"  
  
"FORFIT!"

"Davis it's now fifty seven forfeits to one"

"FORFIT!"  
  
"Whatever…"  
  
"YAY! TWO FORFITS!"

Matt sighed, he'd been woken up early, nearly eaten, met and lost the love of his life and he still wouldn't usually be up by this time even on special occasions. Despite drinking enough eggnog to poison a small continent he was still not happy.

"Forfeit one is you come on an adventure"

"Forfeit two?"  
  
"I'll save it"

~~~

As he walked through the glowing red portal Matt felt very worried indeed. If possible things got worse as they appeared in a small stream. 

__

This place is certainly far more scenic than our last destination, although I found Tifa there… poor Tifa and poor Matt. Instead I'm stuck god knows where with my hyper active… friend Davis. Usually this would be a fine excuse to get down to some serious… *cough sex cough* How lame is that I even thought up a cough in my head… Huh a goldfish is attacking Davis.

Indeed with a viscous war cry of 'deen-deen' the giant fish was attacking Davis with the horn on its head, all the while spiting water and shrieking with a high pitched noise. Matt was in half a mind to leave Davis to be mauled but decided against it. The effects of the eggnog making him want to fight something. Walking casually up behind it he delivered a stiff kick to the fish sending it scuttling away. He was in half a mind to use his sense materia ( a memento of Tifa) to see if he had gained a level but dismissed the thought as childish.

"Thanks Matt, you saved me"

"Whate… No problem"

"So lets find some clues"

"Fine but no more walking up to people and asking 'have you seen Christmas'?"

"Okay, we must be dealing with a sick mind here though."

"Nah I believe it wasn't you Davis"

"Huh?"

Little known to Matt and Davis the fight with the fish had attracted attention from the sort of people who would have loved to have stolen Christmas, Thanksgiving or Tuesday afternoon for profit.

"Ooh a rare Poke'mon"

"Yes it must have been"

"But it looked just like a human kid"  
  
"Quite Meowth! It wasn't just a blonde kid, it was a rare Pokemon"

"Yes and we'll capture it, right Jessie?"  
  
"Right James"

~~~

A little further down the road Matt and Davis saw a group of people, two boys and what looked like a Digimon investigating a huge pile of presents. Huge didn't do it justice there were enough presents to give to the world. Matt and Davis had found the stolen Christmas gifts.

"Matt, are these the villains?"  
  
"Maybe… Let's call for back up"  
  
Matt typed out a quick e-mail to Izzy and within moments Veemon and Gabumon were stood right in front of them. The miracles of technology were always useful when trying to save the world. Now they could go and confront the present thieves. Davis took the lead adopting his usual tactic of charge in headlong and think later, or possibly not at all.

"Hold evil Christmas thieves! Your time is nigh!"

"Sorry?"

"I said… hold evil Christmas thieves! Your time is nigh"

"Yeah… Anyway Brock how are we going to get Togepi and Misty out?"

"Couldn't we just leave him?"

Davis felt like he was loosing the moment and ordered Veemon to attack the one referred to as Brock. 

"Vee-Head Butt!"

The move worked like a charm, the boy was knocked down and out. It was only then that Davis noticed the boy seemed to have no eyes. Davis had savagely beaten a blind man, for a moment he felt a sense of something fairly new, guilt. The other boy, the one wearing a hat spun round looking angry.

"You! What sort of trainer attacks like that! I'll beat you!"  
  
"Ha! No way!"

__

Aaargh! Again with the exclamation marks! Damn now I'm doing it! Okay calm yourself Matt, what would Tifa think if she saw you like that. Calm and focus, maybe just assaulting total strangers isn't a great plan but we're in now, time to fight.

"Okay kid, 3 on 3 battle, choose!"  
  
"Umm…kid? I'm older than you are. But I choose Veemon, Gabumon and umm… Mattmon!"

"Mattmon? What kind of Pokemon is that?"  
  
"Mattmon, you must be joking"  
  
"It's your forfeit, you have to be Mattmon all day"

"*&^%" _I hate him. I hate him so much. Mattmon? Mr. Grumpy? I'm going to kill him, just wish I had some more eggnog._

"Okay, first up Charizard!"

"Okay Veemon- Armor Digivolve to Flamedramon!"

The two fire monsters faced off against each other, Charizard, a huge orange dragon monster seemed to have the edge in terms of power and mobility, but Flamedramon's armor was proving tough to get through. Watching the battle swing back and forth Matt tried to use his materia again. This was his favorite part of the day so far. ---Charizard L52 Hp 102/176 Weak against water Weak against thunder--- Flamedramon therefore was making very little impact, and looked to be tiring.

"Davis! Change him into Raidramon!"

"Right! You heard him- armor digivolve!"

In a flash of light Flamedramon was replaced but Raidramon, taking a fire blast with ease on his armored back Raidramon took aim and delivered a massive blast of thunder. The bolts hit straight and true the flying dragon monster crashed to the ground exhausted by the battle.

"Damn, Charizard return. Go Bulbasaur!"

"Okay go Gabumon, warp digivolve!"  
  
"Umm… Davis… I can't do that…"

"Razor Leaf attack Bulbasaur!"  
  
A fury of leaves erupted from the squat little monster slamming and slicing into Gabumon. The Digimon was knocked off his feet and sent staggering backwards. Bulbasaur followed up with a heavy body slam attack leaving Gabumon breathless.

__

Idiot! Gabumon can't digivolve for Davis, he's just going to get himself wiped out!

"Finish him! Solar Beam!"

"Bulba-SAUR!"

"Gabumon look out!"  
  
"Gabumon!"

The bulb on the creatures back started to glow as it jumped it into the air, Gabumon, still reeling from the body slam couldn't move out the way in time. He tried to fire his blue blaster to deflect the attack, but it was too strong and the force of the blow knocked out Gabumon.

"I win! I'm a Pokemon Master!"  
  
"Not yet, I still have… Mattmon!"

"Get him Pikachu!"

"Pika-Pika-Chu"  
  
Matt Ishida, a young man who had faced down the dark masters, been attacked by various Digimon, dated, sorry hung around with Davis for three months and done various other dangerous things now faced his greatest challenge to date. A truly evil yellow mouse with the war cry of 'Chu'. He wanted to go home. But now alcohol kicked in and he was ready to fight.

__

Actually I want more eggnog but I've run out of cherries and its not the same without them. Well let's kick this little punk into touch and save the presents.

"Pikachu, uses double team and baffle him"

"Matt use… umm raging fist of demon fury!"

"Davis he said Pikachu confuse Matt, not Matt's supposed friend confuse Matt"

"Thunderbolt!"  
  
"Pika-CHU!!!"

Without any warning a bolt of thunder dropped from the sky hitting Matt heavily, blow off his feet he was sent crashing to the ground horribly hurt.   
Raising himself up on one arm Matt charged at Pikachu, using his superior size he picked up the squirming rodent which promptly bit him on the thumb. Gritting his teeth Matt remembered hours of loosing heavily at Playstation wrestling to TK and that wasn't that different right?

Matt performed what he would later term 'the lone wolf suplex' or as Davis called it dropping the Pikachu on its head. Attempting to go for the sort of submission maneuver TK would defeat him with ten times out of ten Matt locked in a perfect anklelock. Perfect apart from the fact Pikachu managed to deliver another thunderbolt that sent Matt flying again. 

--- Matt L12 Hp 12/1265 Weak against Davis doing that really cute smile Weak against thunder ---

--- Pikachu L55 Hp 198/230 Weak against earth. Weak against obvious disguises ---

__

Great what a time to learn I'm weak against thunder! And I forgot to pack my really obvious disguise. Still I have my eggnog. It seems like such a waste somehow.

"Matt use hit with bottle attack"

"Hey no fair Matt, you can't call your own moves"  
  
"Tough luck dude"

Taking a moment Matt pulled the nearly empty bottle from his bag and delivered a mighty crushing blow to Pikachu, who staggered for a moment before regaining his footing, the little mouse was certainly a tough cookie. Or tough mince pie to put a seasonal spin on the phrase.

"Pikachu, you're in trouble, use Zap Cannon"  
  
"PIKACHU!!!"

A massive discharge of energy flew from the Pokemon towards Matt, there was no time to get out of the way, but luckily the attack missed the target. Breathing a sigh of relief Matt noticed that his adversary was looking tired, now was the time to attack.

"Okay here I go… Super cool heartbreaker attack!"

Taking a running start Matt ran towards the pile of gifts, climbing them nimbly he waved at Davis and then jumped from a stupidly high height onto Pikachu. There was no chance to move, on minute there was a slightly stunned Pokemon, the next a Matt shaped hole filled by a bruised and battered Digi-destined and a flattened Pokemon.

"Yay! Matt! You Did it!"

"…oww"

"You beat me… I'm Ash a Pokemon trainer"  
  
"So that makes me Davis the Pokemon God!"

"…Pokemon God?"  
  
"Shush Mattmon, you did well"

__

I'm going to kill him. Mattmon is going to use his devastating kick Davis very hard and often in the head move, and then… Damn he's doing the smile thing again.

~~~

It turned out that Ash and his friends had been walking around totally lost and suddenly the pile of gifts had fallen on them and trapped their friends Misty and Togepi underneath. Ash seemed less concerned by that than the fact Davis had beaten him in a Pokemon battle. It was decided that the best thing to do would be just carry all the gifts back to the portal and chuck them through. Matt wondered just whether putting every Christmas gift in the world in the hands of Mimi was really such a great plan, however the tragedy was they didn't have a better plan.

Even with all the Pokemon helping it was still a hell of a task. Three hours later after making no impact at all Izzy e-mailed them to say he could move the portal . Matt mentally added Izzy's name to the list of people he wanted to kill. So far it consisted of Izzy, Davis, Ash, Brock, Barrett, Davis, everyone he had seen today apart from Gabumon and Tifa, and Davis.

Just as the last of the presents vanished and the flattened form of Misty was being revived by her friends a terrifying cry came from the trees.

"Prepare for trouble"  
"Make it double"

"Matt, can we do one too?"

"…why not, I've lost the will to live anyway"

"Okay Prepare for random chaos"

"…Make it quick"

"To protect Christmas and good stuff"  
"Like kittens"

"Davis!!!"  
"…Matt"

"We're Team Davis!"

"…Whatever"

"Hey you said 'whatever'"  
  
"And you said 'Davis!!!' it cancels out"

"…fine"

The two who had attempted the motto emerged from the trees, looking truly shocked. Not only had these upstart strangers sabotaged the Team Rocket Motto, they had done it really badly too. Still when they captured Pikachu and Mattmon those twerps would be laughing on the other side of their stupid little faces.

"We know where lots of rare Pokemon are"

"Okay! Lets go Matt and Davis"  
  
"Alright Ash"

__

Is it just my imagination or is Davis hitting on Ash… no that wouldn't happen we have a rock solid relationship… Friendship I mean friendship of course. Still if neither of them can tell that it's a trap maybe I should just leave them to fall into it.

No Davis is the one reason the Jun beast leaves me alone, I'd better save him

"Come on Davis, we don't need rare Pokemon, we need Christmas"

"Yeah, lets go home. Bye Ash"  
  
"Bye! I'm going to follow Team Rocket"

With that Davis and Matt stepped once again into the swirling vortex to take them home. They stepped out into the kitchen, only to be confronted by Cody.

~~~

Wielding a Kendo stick he attacked them with all the fury of an angry twelve-year-old. Maybe if Matt and Davis had been asleep and dead he might have won against two bigger and strong people. Davis pulled the stick from his hands and Matt performed his 'Straight arm dragon fang punch' or in Davis speech 'hitting Cody on the nose and making him cry punch'.

"Mwhaa haa! You'll never save Christmas in time Mwhaa!" 

With that Cody started crying and by the time Matt had convinced Sora that he hadn't turned to beating small children for fun it was a quarter to midnight on the 22nd of December. Matt and Davis had less than three days to save Christmas. And whoever the villain was, Cody was in league with him, or maybe brainwashed, but more than likely just plain evil.


	4. How Davis got into a snowball fight with...

****

"How ??? Stole Christmas" by Luke's Dragon

A/n

Unlike Pokemon or Final Fantasy chapter 4's victim of a Davis trip Suikoden isn't that well known, however I like it so tough. Basically it's a RPG where you are the hero in charge of a castle and a group of 108 ner-do wells. It's better than it sounds go find it.

~~~

****

Chapter 4How Davis got in a snowball fight with an army

__

EllieWho's that big guy over there, is he a friend of yours Riou?

Riou1 Friend..?

2 That's Bear

3 That's Viktor

~ Suikoden II

~~~

Davis and Matt had spent a rather uncomfortable night on Mimi's kitchen floor, they had been far too tired to get all the way back to the hotel, plus Matt had the horrible suspicion he had lost the key.

The following morning when Davis woke up the sun was still shining brilliantly like it was the middle of summer, rather than December 23rd it was 7:15 so Davis was up late. Perhaps it was the exertion of yesterday; he had been in two brand new worlds and missed dinner. Plus him and Matt had been up late last night. He was now only down seventeen forfeits to the zero Matt owed him. 

Deciding their mission to save Christmas couldn't wait any longer he woke Matt up by turning on the radio and playing cheerful Christmas songs at high volume. The change was immediate, one minute there was a sleeping blonde haired young man at total peace with the world. The next a screaming avatar of destruction, tearing the power cord out of the wall and trying to strangle Davis with it.

"I knew that would get you up"

"Or get you killed"  
  
"Come on we have stuff to do"  
  
"…fine"

"Let's find breakfast first, I'm hungry.

__

Quite possibly the best idea Davis has ever had, now lets see what passes for food in this place… Huh, no bread, no cereal, what does this girl live on?

It was then Matt remembered the party and how everything had been eaten, therefore as Matt and Davis embarked on their adventures through the final portal they had the added disadvantage that they had to try and save Christmas on an empty stomach.

~~~

Matt and Davis materialized in the middle of a street inside a fortified city; this created quite a fuss as strangers suddenly appearing out of thin air often does. Whilst regaining his senses and wishing he had just stayed at home Matt was grabbed from behind by a several large, angry and above all, armed soldiers.

Hoisted up and marched towards the main castle building Matt and Davis had no choice but to give up without a fight.

Marched through the main castle building and up several flights of stairs Matt and Davis were brought into the main hall where a man and a boy of about Davis' age where having a blazing argument, something about how the boy, Riou, should not be wandering off on his own. Riou's response was that he wasn't a kid and could damn well do as he pleased. This was interrupted by the guards dragging Matt and Davis into the room.

"Lord Shu! We caught these two spies outside." Davis started giggling uncontrollably

"Lord Shoe? Should we be scared or should we polish him Matt?"  
  
"Davis, you never polish your shoes"  
  
"Oh yeah"  
  
"Silence. Do not taunt Lord Shu"

"Aww…but…" 

One of the guards dug his sword into Davis' back, stopping any more taunts. The man called Shu looked as though this was the last thing he needed. However the boy called Riou seemed to find the whole exchange funny.

"So you two are spies?"  
  
"No, we're not" Matt was sure that pointy sharp things tended to happen to spies.

"You teleported into our castle" One of the guards with onion smelling breath said. Onions made Matt think of breakfast.

"…Yeah that's kinda hard to explain"

"How did you get into our castle then?" Shu asked

Matt was stuck, being spies probably meant some sort of execution based activities for the rest of the day. Telling the truth would either be dismissed as a total lie, and then executed or be believed which had about as much chance of happening as Tai asking for a comb for Christmas.

"We came from another world" Davis added helpfully

This meant Matt had to explain as best as he could the whole saga from the beginning, after he finished the looks he got suggested they possibly believed him, but more than likely thought he was quite mad. Still there seemed to be no move to do painful things with swords to anyone, which was a good thing.

"Very well you may look for your 'Christmas' but don't cause any trouble"  
  
"Thanks Lord Boot! Come on Matt"  
  
"Davis…"  
  
"I know 'shut up' right?"  
  
"Yep"  
  
"Huh… I liked Mattmon better"

~~~

Looking around the castle for signs of Christmas Matt's nose picked up the smell of food, Davis had noticed it too and the pair of them followed the aroma. They wound up in a restaurant and found a table to order food from. The restaurant had a wide selection and both digi-destined were able to order meals they would like.

__

I suppose we really should be doing something more productive than sitting around eating but then again, saving the world on an empty stomach is just not going to happen.

The meal was delicious; the problem came when it was time to pay.

  
"That will be 650 potch please"  
  
"Potch?"  
  
"You know money"

Matt searched through his pocket, he had yen, dollars, pokemon dollars and gil but no potch. Deciding that he had no other choice Matt knocked over the table and ran out of the restaurant, Davis following him soon after. They sprinted out of the restaurant, around the corridors and right into one of the largest men Matt had ever seen.

The man, who was easily over six foot tall was not impressed to have people running into him, he looked cross, Matt decided the best idea would be an immediate apology.

"Sorry, didn't see you there"  
  
"Humph! Fine just watch where you're going"  
  
"We will, lets go Davis…Davis?"  
  
Davis however did not want to go, he was just staring at the man, and it looked as if he was trying to work something out, then with the authority of someone who had just completed extensive research he announced.

"Santa!"

"Davis, this man is not Santa Claus"  
  
"Yes he is, he's big and fat"

"Davis three things, one he has no beard, two Santa is a fictional character, three don't call people with big swords fat"

"But…."  
  
"Come on"

The man shook his head, kids today had no respect, big and fat? He was just well muscled that was all. Shaking his head he set off to the castle bar, he needed a drink.

~~~

Matt had already decided that there was no reason to stay here, whatever they were looking for was either not around or guarded by people with swords and other pointy things so could damn well stay where it was. Davis on the other hand looked practically crushed.

__

Guess he wanted to find it a lot more than I did. I suppose I feel kinda bad for him, but this isn't my problem and I've no desire to get myself killed to save anything. Oh what now… It's raining. Just great

Matt was only a little bit wrong, it wasn't raining, it was in fact snowing, lightly at first but then within the space of a few minutes the entire castle was covered in snow and it was still falling.

"Matt look!"  
  
"Oh at what" he asked, perhaps a little too sarcastically. Sarcasm however like tranquilizers had no effect on Davis.

"The snow Matt, it's snowing. We found it"

"Yes… but how do we get it back?"

"Umm… I don't know"

"Maybe if enough falls through the portal…"

Just then a group of people emerged from one of the buildings covered in snow, they were complaining about how snow shouldn't fall inside and how it was unfair that these things always happened to them. He was just about to suggest that they should go and look what was going on when a snowball hit him in the shoulder.

"Got you!"  
  
"Davis, we don't have time for this"  
  
Davis either didn't hear him or didn't care because he threw another snowball at Matt, this time hitting him square in the chest, before Matt could protest Davis had thrown another two, both finding their mark with surprising accuracy. Fed up with his companions antics Matt made his own snowball and threw it at Davis. However unlike Davis, Matt would have struggled to hit a whale, he came close though, he hit something very large, the man from earlier.

The big man looked as though he was ready to kill not helped by the fact that the other guy he was with, dressed all in blue was laughing his proverbial stockings off. Both men made their own snowballs and started throwing them at Matt and Davis, before too long some of their friends had joined in, making the sides Davis and Matt vs. a small army.

~~~

  
"Runaway!"

"But Matt… we're winning!"  
  
"We are not winning, anyway we have to save Christmas"  


"Oh yeah, lets go then"

Matt and Davis retreated into the building that the snow covered people had came out of, it was by the looks of it a junk shop, antiques and bags of sugar seemed to be given the same treatment in terms of where they were placed. However in the middle of the floor looking quit out of place was a hi-tech looking device. It appeared to be a box with a light beam coming out of the top. Out of the light beam snow was falling.

"We found it Matt, we found the snow"

"Yes, now all we have to do is get home without being snowballed to death"

The only option they could think of was just to run for it. In a manner of speaking it worked, they got to the portal and got home alive and the amount of snowballs that hit them wasn't that many. At least it was only just in double figures. Each. Per limb.

~~~

Emerging once again they were greeted to an empty house, there were no signs of the other Digi-destined but there was a note on the table.

***

To Matt…. (And hastily scrawled on as an after thought) and Davis

We have Christmas. You may think that you have won but you have not. Ha ha ha aha ha! 

Tomorrow morning a portal to my castle will open. Try and thrwart twart stop my evil plans if you can. Ha ha ha aha ha ha!

The Christmas Thief and his her evil henchmen

P.s. ha ha ha aha ha

***

The clock said that it was ten o clock at night, since the portal didn't open until the following morning Matt ad Davis decided to get takeaway pizza and have an early night. Davis however seemed worried.

"What's wrong Dai-Chan?"  
  
"…Nothing"

"Come on you've been like this all day"  
  
"…suppose so"

"So…?"  
  
"When you said that Santa was made up…"  
  
"Yes?"  
  
"Just made me think back to when I was a kid, you know?"

"Not really"  
  
"Well we always had this whole big family thing, now well its just not the same"

"…Yeah growing up sucks"  
  
"Oh, sorry the whole families at Christmas thing isn't you're strong point is it?"  
  
"No, but it's Okay"

"…Well g'night I'm going to bed"

"Yeah I'll be along in a minute"

__

I'm actually worried about him; it's not like Davis to get worked up about much. He tends to put on this really happy cheerful persona all the time and it's strange to see that crack. I do the opposite of course I put on the dark, couldn't care less persona, so I guess we go together well. I know I could cheer him up by telling all our friends about us, but I'm terrified of doing that. 

I guess I'm also worried about my friends being in the hands of someone who bothers to write down a maniacal laughter but can't spell thwarts.  



	5. How Matt and Davis saved Christmas

****

"How ??? Stole Christmas" By Luke's Dragon

****

A/n

Okay this is probably the most bizarre (worst) thing I've ever done but hey it's almost Christmas. In fact it's Christmas Eve just like in the fic because I'm sorta setting it in real time. Can Matt and Davis save the day before the author has to go to work? And as for TK and Jun, what else can I say apart from I am really, truly sorry.

Disclaimer

I don't own Star wars, any of the other stuff mercilessly mocked in this fic or either of the two songs in this chapter. (Thank God)

~~~

****

Chapter 5How Matt and Davis saved Christmas

__

DavisWhat no humorous quote?

MattNo

DavisAww, it doesn't seem right without one

~~~

Christmas Eve, a quarter to midday and our 'heroes' are still asleep, this is because Matt never wakes up by midday if he has a choice in the matter. It is perhaps also something to do with the fact that he managed to slip a few sleeping tablets in Davis' drink before they went to bed last night. So far they seem to be working, so far…

"Oh no! Wake up Matt! We're late!"

"…Uh…?"

"Matt!"

Despite his best efforts to stay in some sort of sleep like state Matt could not resist for long. The constant shaking him, prodding his shoulder and calling his name was just too much to put up with. To his credit Matt managed to hold out for forty-five seconds, which was much more than most ordinary mortals could withstand.

Davis decided that since they were so late in waking up they would have to miss breakfast or brunch or whatever other meal they might have at this time so as to make up the time that they had lost. Despite Matt's protests that last time they had missed breakfast very bad things had happened Davis would not be swayed from his 'quest'.

They entered the newly created portal; it was an ominous black color. In fact color was too kind a description, it was a lack of anything, a total darkness within the room. Taking a deep breath the two walked through the portal. The second Matt did he started to scream as the sound of children singing carols filled his ears.

~~~

__

MattOh! I've thought of a humorous quote

DavisToo late Ishida

MattBut it's really good

Davisla la la la la! Not listening

Matt^%#*

~~~

Matt and Davis emerged at the base of a tower with the 'happy' sounds of carols still filling the air. The tower itself was bright red and topped with snow. In the windows were garish neon Santa's and far more lights than were strictly necessary. A cheerful looking snowman stood at one side of the over decorated front door.

__

It's apparent we are dealing with a very sick mind here. Whoever it is either knows I can't stand Christmas songs, or they are just evil incarnate.

"Matt, I'm scared make it stop"  
  
"I can't Dai-chan, we have to win to stop this evil"  
  
"Alright, lets go"

Matt and Davis called on all their courage and walked purposefully towards the main door, pausing only to pound the snowman into powder.

The tower itself followed the outside's theme of over the top decorations and the infernal music playing on, sapping their will to carry on, sapping their will to live. It was all too much for anyone to stand. Currently some highly annoying child was belting out a track about how it wanted some teeth for Christmas.

Matt got the feeling they may have been to replace teeth knocked out of its mouth from the last time it sung.

# _All I want for Christmas is my two front teeth, my two front teeth _#

"Aaaargh! Make it stop Matt!"

"I can't, just cover your ears and try and ignore it"

# Don't want a dog I want my two front teeth"

"It's not working Matt, I can still hear it!"

"I know Dai, still there can't be much more to go"

# _All I want for Christmas is my two front teeth, so I can wish you Merry Christmas!_ #

As the accursed track ended Matt and Davis arrived at the top of the tower, swing open the door they were faced with something even more terrifying than they had encountered before. Sapped of their will to live Matt and Davis saw a truly shocking sight. Two figures, one dressed as a tree and one as an angel in a deep embrace.

"TK?"  
  
"Jun?"

Their respective siblings turned to them, laughing evilly TK walked towards them whilst Jun turned the radio up as more songs flooded the room. 

"So you made it. Mwhaa haa haa!"

"TK… Why are you doing this and what's with 'Mwhaa haa haa' anyway?"

"You wouldn't understand our evil plan, would he Junny-pookies?"

"TC! Don't call my sister Junny-pookies ever again! It's sick and twisted!"

In response to this TK proceeded to kiss Jun again, causing Davis to roll up in a ball screaming in terror.

Matt had stronger willpower but this was close to breaking point even for him.

"Eww… gross, gross, gross, gross"

"TK what did you do with the others?"

"Mwhaa haa haa!" I've made them sit in a room and sing all these songs Mwhaa haa haa!"

"That's truly evil, but why?"

"Tell him Junny-pookies"

"NOOOOOO!!!" screamed Davis, the mixture of carols and TK and Jun was too much to bear

"You forgot to send me a Christmas card Matt!"

"…That's it?"  
  
"It! That's it?"  
  
"That's what I said"

Jun looked as though she was loosing the initiative so kissed TK again making Davis whimper and curl up into a tighter ball and hope the whole ordeal was just an awful dream.

"So we stole Christmas so you'd come and say happy Christmas in person"

"Oh…Is that all, no world domination?"

"…No that's it. That's our evil plot"  
  
"…Oh… kinda an anti-climax"

"Well now I've outlined our evil scheme we will destroy you!"

"It wasn't really that evil"

"Shut up Matt! Now you die!"

With that TK and Jun advanced on Matt, wielding colorful candy canes as swords. Matt was unarmed, Davis had been in such a rush to come today he hadn't even picked up any eggnog. He still had his sense materia though. Damn he loved this stuff.

--- TK L53 Hp 9999/9999 Weak against ???----

--- Jun L?? Hp ????/???? Weak against ??? ---

--- Matt L50 Hp 9860/9999 Weak against Christmas songs ---

--- Davis L30 Hp 1/1790 Weak against siblings kissing---

__

Oh woo bloody hoo! I'm going to get slaughtered. I'm going to get my ass kicked and be forced to listen to cheery music until my head explodes, and my partner is about as much use…

Well first things first, I have to unplug the radio.

Running forwards Matt headed straight for the Radio that was blasting out the evil music, dodging blows from candy cane swords he made it unscathed. With glee he ripped the power cord out of the wall, ending the nightmarish sounds.

# _When Santa got stuck up the chi…._ #

"Our music! You'll pay for that Matt! I can't believe I ever liked you!"

__

Multiple exclamation marks must run in the family. And I know it's wrong to hit a lady and even though Jun stretches that definition a little far it's still wrong to attack her… Hmmm… if the exclamation marks run in the family maybe weaknesses do too.

Dodging another rain of blows Matt ran over to where Davis was trying to hide from the unfair world. Lifting him to his feet Matt looked into Davis' deep brow eyes and kissed him. This was something Matt and Davis had a lot of practice at although never before in front of people. It didn't matter though, Jun gave a scream and fell to the floor. 

As soon as Matt let go of Davis he fell too, the shock of seeing Jun and TK together was still too much for him. This left just TK and Matt facing off against each other. TK picked up Jun's cane and threw it to Matt.

"You may have beaten my love, but you'll never beat me Matt"

"Come on TK, families shouldn't fight at Christmas, I'm your brother chill out"

"Brother…? Jun said you killed my brother!"

"No Takeru… I am your brother"

"Oh… in that case it's silly to fight"

"Yep"  
  
"I only did it for Jun, she's a really good kisser, much better than Kari"

"Forget about it. Can we have Christmas back now then"  
  
"Yeah sure. Let's go home Matt"

"Yeah… huh what are the chances we both end up with a Motomiya?"  
  
"It's much better than us both being with a Kamiya each I suppose…"

~~~

It seemed that half the world's media had turned up to interview Matt and Davis, 'the heroic young men who had saved Christmas for children everywhere'. The idea was they would outline the story, leaving out the part about the villains being the siblings of the heroes. They would flash to shots of happy children and then Matt would say something inspiring and heroic.

"So what are you going to say?" The TV anchorman asked

"…"

Matt regretted it the moment he said, or more actually didn't say it. He regretted it far, far more when he saw the look in Davis' eyes. Davis pulled him closer and whispered something in Matt's ear. 

"Your forfeit is to tell everyone we're a couple"

Matt in exchanged turned as white as… some sort of white thing that fell from the sky at Christmas.

"You can't be serious Dai"

"We had a deal"  
  
"But…"  
  
Davis had an expression on his face that seemed to suggest that backing out and breaking his word would cause him to break into tears, his entire world shattered with one callous swoop. It was also possible he was faking it big time but Matt wasn't sure he wanted to take that chance.

The presenter turned to him

"And now a few words from Matt Ishida"  
  
The TV guy nodded encouragingly, Davis gave a little smile. Matt held his head in his hands and took a deep breath and then took hold of the microphone.


End file.
